Set & Communicate Boundaries
Develop skills to set and communicate boundaries better in your personal and professional life.
The nature of self preservation begins with setting boundaries. Different stages of our lives can prove to be difficult to create certain boundaries. A new grad taking whatever job and hours does so as they do not have the capability to say no to work as they are building their resume and trying to work off debt. A parent balancing work, family, and a personal life may struggle to set boundaries. All told there are still areas of our lives that we can control, but taking that control for some is difficult. Here are a few segments of our lives, and some tips to creating healthy boundaries to create a healthier emotional balance.
WORK
The average work week means that you spend 40 hours at your place of employment. Unfortunately many jobs ask more of their employees without compensation. Myself as a social worker normalized extremely high caseloads with no benefit to either myself, or the clients I was serving. So how do we create a boundary at work and still expect to be employed there?
Establish boundaries during the interview process. Be upfront and transparent with what you are capable of doing.
Provide value based justifications as a reason for why you are saying ‘no’. Identify priorities and associated value. If one priority rises another needs to fall. Quality of work will decline, which can increase stress in other areas.
Be honest with yourself with what you are capable of and what you want. Don’t judge your ability by others at your company. Chances are your boss is overstating work expenditures of others to motivate you to do more for less. Everyone brings value to the table but sometimes it looks different.
If any of these at this time seem unattainable then maybe today is the day to start yourself on a path towards a new career. It may seem daunting to take on a new career, but the freedom to create and dictate your own career path may be the most freeing decision you will ever make in your life.
PERSONAL
This is an area that I hear most in my line of work. Constant giving of oneself with little to show for it.
Identify the givers and takers in your life, and give as much/or as little as you receive.
Identify the other areas in your life in which your time is needed. Saying yes to one or two people in the course of a week can greatly set you back in work, family, or free-time.
If your value to someone is that you always say ‘yes’ to them, reconsider that relationship.
These tips may seem tough because for some they feel they will lose a friend or create distance with a family member. But truth be told, if a little distance creates a long term schism then that relationship was built on faulty grounds to begin with.
RELATIONSHIP
Many people feel that to be loved means constant giving of oneself to another. There is truth in that we need to be open and transparent with our partners, but if the relationship is one-sided then that person has taken advantage of your giving personality.
You are an equal partner in any relationship. You are deserving of the love you desire without unreasonable strings attached.
Don't be afraid to point out imbalances or areas that you feel you have contributed more. A word of caution; thinking through areas that maybe your partner contributes more than you.
No is not a deal breaker. No’s should be followed by why’s. Explain yourself in a rational way. If your honesty is too much for your partner than a broader conversation is needed.
Other things to consider is that relationships evolve. One partner may be in school while the other is working. This is a time where home and personal endeavors may shift towards one or the other partner. The nature of a relationship is that it's never truly static. People grow, change, have different wants and needs. Open dialogue about boundaries is needed to address things in real time as to not allow them to fester and cause a rift.
In summary, take the time to take back control of your live to ensure you are living and preserving aspects just for you. It is important to continue to give to others but not to the point where your mental health suffers. Still wondering where to begin with some of these recommendations? I’d be happy to point you in the right direction. Contact me below if you want to chat more.
