How to Ask for Help?
“What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said? asked the boy.
‘Help,’ said the horse.
‘Asking for help isn’t giving up,’ said the horse. 'It’s refusing to give up.”
- Charlie Macksey, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse
Asking for help can be one of the most difficult things in our lives.
We are programmed to be independent, tough, and smart. But asking for help does not negate any of those attributes, in fact, it can strengthen them. Setting aside our egos and reaching out to another for help is the smartest thing we can do. Not allowing depression and anxiety to rule your life will be the smartest thing you’ll ever do.
Why do people avoid asking for help?
REJECTED IN THE PAST
There is nothing worse than opening yourself up and being rejected by someone you trusted.
RECEIVED BAD ADVICE
Whether from a friend, family member, or even a therapist people can sometimes give some bad advice.
PRIDE
Knowing when to check your pride is key. When pride overruns our decision-making, we create cognitive distortions, the gross reshaping of external reality to meet internal needs.
DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START
Who to ask, what to say, and how much I share can all be barriers to making the first step. Hopefully, we all have a person in our lives whom we can fully express ourselves too. If not this is a place for counseling services to help fill that void.
How to ask for help?
TRUST THE PEOPLE YOU’RE SEEKING ADVICE FROM
Simple, but we sometimes talk to whoever answers the phone or a person that is close to us by proximity. Knowing a bit about the values that they live by and not just espousing to is critical. This isn’t to say you can only get advice from a friend or family member that is in lockstep with your values system, but having an understanding of where they are coming from is crucial.
BE ACCEPTING OF ADVICE
Some of us are our harshest critics, others see no faults in themselves. If you reject taking advice from a trusted source consider why you're being resistant. Are you unwilling to change something in your life, not ready to leave a toxic relationship? If you trust the person you’ve sought guidance from, take their opinion and use it towards making more informed decisions moving forward.
RETURN THE FAVOR
When you are able, make sure to be giving back to others. Take your growth and help someone else that is stuck. Your growth is solidified by giving back.
BE AWARE OF YOUR EGO DEFENSES
Denial and distortion are often in this category. Delving into the mechanisms that you’ve used to protect and isolate your inner self from rejection, humiliation, and isolation will aid in understanding how you got here and how to move forward.
At the end of the day just ask for help. You are only a failure when you stop trying. Asking for help in any capacity is better than trying to hold and deal by yourself when you are struggling.
