Why Live for Today?
“The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” - Harriet Beecher-Stowe
I worked in the hospice world for about 12 years. We had young and old, chronically ill, and the recently diagnosed. Every story was a tragedy in the end, but our job was to make the inevitable for the client and family go as smoothly as possible. There were many stories and scenarios that stuck with me over the years, but there was always one scenario that always stuck with me.
While doing my psychosocial assessment either the patient or partner made the following statement: “We saved our whole lives aiming for retirement. Skipped vacations to save, placed our lives on the back burners for our kids… and now this.” They would go into more details about how all of their savings went into treatment, and they never visited the places they dreamt of. This forever changed my perspective on life.
This is not a statement on blowing your money on lavish vacations and cars right now because of what might happen. Instead a call to be more in the moment and live your “golden years” now. All of us are on a crash course with the unknown, but being present in the moment makes the unknown a little less scary. We are all born, and we will all leave without possessions in the end so how can we live for today?
WORK ON YOUR INTERNAL SELF CARE
When we find ourselves living a life for others we lose sight of our true selves. Working a job you don’t want, getting married, having kids, or other values others lay upon us set forth a life path we didn’t want. Being able to focus on self is not selfish. What's actually selfish is finding ourselves living a life for the benefit of others.
MEMORIES OVER MONEY
I say this fully aware of the need for money in our lives in modern society. The emphasis of this phrase is to shift where we place value. If you only value money you will find yourself chasing the short term dopamine hit of a purchase, and not focus on your purpose. There is also the pitfall of debt, and when we find ourselves in debt that job you wanted to quit is no longer an option. Starting a business becomes too risky, and being able to focus on self care becomes a secondary thought. Memories created by yourself, with family/friends is what we carry with us throughout our lives. I hear in sessions fond memories of “an easier life”, and the center of that has always been memories with people we love and with little emphasis on money.
ACHIEVABLE SHORT TERM GOALS
People who struggle to live in the moment often have long term lofty goals, which is a good thing. The miss comes when we go months and years on end without pausing and taking some time for ourselves. I often hear about big trips that are terribly expensive and increase anxiety. A three day weekend, a road trip can be just as satisfying as a big trip or purchase. Taking inventory of what drives our anxieties can be in part mitigated by just looking at our goals. Are all of the goals achievable in the short term, or all of them years away? Are your goals all within your hands, or dependent on others?
